Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
