While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
