and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
