we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Operation Purity has been aborted
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
