found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
