I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
