My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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