Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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