You're completely useless in the revolution.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
