I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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