just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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