either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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