I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
