New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
