"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
