Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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