he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
