Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
