The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
