Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
