Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
