Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
