Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
