never play flip cup with pint glasses
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
