Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Michael Bay diarrhea
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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