Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
