Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
