I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am midnight drunk by noon
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
