Me. At least after what I've been through.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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