Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
