You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
