I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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