You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
