We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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