Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
