It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
