I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
