i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
