Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
