So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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