Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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