That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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