This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
