and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
