I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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