dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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