hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
