You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
