My balls are so social today.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you win again, gameday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
