i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
