People in love make me want to vomit
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
